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elanor_x* Searching for new material for my "executions", I found a very well written humorous fic:
Why Slytherins Are Sexier by Textualsphinx
A discourse on sexual differences between the houses - as propounded by one Severus Snape. Will not amuse Dunderheads, naturally.
* Very beautiful HP poems by Helen Vader are here. I mainly liked the poem; called "You". It reminds me of some other poem or song I have read. Does anybody know which one?
YOU
Another poem about my favourite Dark Lord. Rated PG.
In the chasm of despair
Where hearts grow hard and cold as stone
You must've forgotten what was light -
Or may have never known.
You've forgotten what is wrong,
You've forgotten what is right,
You cannot tell the difference
Between the day and night.
What you don't know you cannot miss,
What you had lost you cannot find:
A ray of light, a mother's kiss,
Your mortal soul, your heart or mind.
You've forgotten how to fly,
Confined to spend a life in hell:
Why should you mind your broken wings
Inside a prison cell?
You've forgotten how to laugh,
You've forgotten how to cry,
You've forgotten how to live
And now you cannot die...
What you don't know you cannot miss,
What you had lost you cannot find:
A ray of hope, a lover's kiss,
Your mortal soul, your heart or mind.
Summery Executions 8:
Ever wondered why Florean Fortescue was taken by the Death Eaters? Heard of the mysterious Voldy's Deathpants, "in bold letters like that"? What's a Dark Lord to do when things don't go your way and what even the most malevolent maniac can't stand? Read to find out!
* When Sirius Black dumps a girl, she cries and begs him to come back. When he humiliates her in front of the whole school, she does not seek revenge. Never. Too bad that no one ever said that to Angela Peters.
* A hilarious ride inside an author's head as he tries to write the best fic ever written by a fan. Unfortunately, things don't go as planned and the author must get himself out of a sticky situation before he ruins the joy of writing Fan Fiction forever.
WARNING: Random and Bizarre humor ahead.
* Ever wondered why Florean Fortescue was taken by the Death Eaters?
Lord Voldemort is on the quest to find the best, evilest flavour of ice cream, and he will stop at nothing to get it.
* The Weasley Wives welcome a new addition into their group and teach her just how to cut her husband loose from Molly's apron strings.
* Voldemort knows it's great being the Dark Lord; it's a position he wants to keep. But even the most malevolent maniac can't stand when the forces of fashion conspire against him! A tale of organized mayhem.
* Moaning Myrtle has been spying on students again!
This time, it just so happens to be Sirius Black. He's alone and in the Prefects' Bathroom. Does it get any better?
Well, if James joins him…
* It isn't easy to get to close to Severus Snape. It's not impossible; after all, sometimes one simply falls into unusual friendships. The problem is there is frequently an obstacle in the way. More often than not, that obstacle is Severus Snape.
Main character(s): NarM, Snape
Hee!
* The war against Voldemort is not going well. The Ministry of Magic has fallen and the Order of the
BUT SUDDENLY, OUT OF THE DARKNESS, ABSURDITY INTERVENES!
DH in four sentences.
* The Order of the
Probably the silliest thing that's ever appeared on this site, featuring highly OOC behaviour.
Deathpants is a team of writers consisting of Mind_Over_Matter, cmwinters, wendelin the wierd, and Schmerg_The_Impaler. Our story was written in Round Robin format. This (and our deranged minds) explains its randomness. Enjoy!
* The Dark Lord's Blog by Schmerg_The_Impaler [Reviews - 1223]
Rated: 1st-2nd Years - Warnings: None
What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.
WARNING: Extremely OOC behavior from almost all.
RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!
me: I looked at it and the fic is not bad.
* James is going to be stuck with Lily for the entire summer...wait...isn't that supposed to be a good thing? In between all the angst and indecision, will these two EVER get together? Hmmm...maybe with a little help with a birdie named Sirius...
* What's a Dark Lord to do when things don't go your way? Write a letter and complain to the author, of course.
* Ginny isn't the little innocent sister Ron wanted. She's flawed. She's surprised him. Angsty!Angry!Ginny thinks about her life while Ron screams. [Ginny/Tom, Ginny/Snape, Ginny/Ron?]
OMG.
* What if Tom Riddle himself isn't really evil? What if he had made a mistake that had led to Voldemort's rising?
Is this mistake making of the first Horcrux?
* Once hurt and alone, Peter finds himself in a seemingly perfect relationship only to discover that not everything is what it seems and a kind mask can hide a monster.
Main character(s): Peter, Tom, Vold
* This is a story about the birth of Tom Riddle and the death of his evil father. It goes into much more detail than the book.
So is V's father officially evil now for running away from a woman, who stalked and drugged him?
* Dark fic about Ginny Weasley who committed suicide. Find out why she killed herself, and about her life before she did it. In later chapters, it will be how her death affected people she loves. Chapter 1: In this chapter, Ginny is dead. So is someone else. Ron is calm after Ginny's death, why? Chapter 2: An insight to Ginny's mind through her diary.
OoTF!Ginny is now officially Ginny 2, the new generation.
Is Ron calm about her death since she wasn't "the innocent sister Ron wanted"?
* To what length would Harry go to keep his promise? Harry went back home and was about to start his fifth year in Hogwarts 'again'. He was confused and didn't know what to do with Voldemort anymore. Are they friends? Or foes?
After such questions, I don't know what the right answer is any longer. Is it an AU fic, in which Harry is tempted to join V, as D suggested in HBP?
* Icarus drowned in the sea. The Blacks drowned in tears.
Alas, so true.
* Tom Riddle walked a path of incontrovertible evil, and he walked it alone...or so the story goes. This is the story of Lord Voldemort, a man both created and destroyed in the name of a cause, a web of lies, treachery, and deceit as spun by the greatest and most sinister wizard of the age--Albus Dumbledore.
* Narcissa wants to believe that her boy is not as bad as he seems, she really does - an experiment in how far a mother's love can``reach.
* Lily wants to perform in front of thousands, but it's proving to be difficult. Sirius keeps dragging James off to punk-rock concerts. Voldemort has never loved a soul, until a certain Mudblood comes onto the scene. Phantom of the Opera cross-over.
* The war is over, and newlyweds Remus and Nymphadora Tonks have decided to take a well deserved holiday. Too bad for Severus Snape that he just happens to be heading in the same direction. Warning: A bit of sexual innuendo and some references to gambling.
* Why is it that Snape always finds himself in unfortunate situations? Is it because of his connection with the Dark Lord? His connections with Harry Potter? Now his worst nightmares begin to come true… ONESHOT
* Forget about Harry, Hermione and Ron. Here comes the new team against Voldy! Crookshanks, Hedwig, Trevor and Fawkes! Eventually, they'll probably do something to foil Lord Voldemort's evil plan. But I haven't decided yet.
The fic is named "The Magical Menagerie".
* Harry Potter is tired of being the Boy Who Lived and Dumbledore's Golden Boy. He decides to change his image and embrace his Slytherin side but he needs help. Who will help him? Why Malfoy, of course.
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Heh...
Date: 2008-03-16 11:05 pm (UTC)I often scour the internet for hilariously bad fiction summaries. Turns out I've written three! ^_^
Despite my embarrassment, three cheers for you for keeping things funny and protecting the internet from terrible fiction... other than my own, my favourite summary was the one about Ginny not being the innocent sister Ron wanted. Your snarky comments were priceless, too.
--Schmergo
Re: Heh...
Date: 2008-03-17 05:49 am (UTC)I gave links to 2 fics, including yours, because I thought they were good and my flist would enjoy reading them. So, be proud to be recommended! :)
How did you find me? By googling? Do you have a lj?
Re: Heh...
Date: 2008-03-17 12:46 pm (UTC)I don't have an LJ... I've been reading LJs for years and I want to make one, but I heard they were getting rid of free accounts, so it looks like I probably never will.
--Schmergo.
Re: Heh...
Date: 2008-03-18 03:54 pm (UTC)found a link to this LJ from another LJ where people were posting badfic summaries
Can you give a link, please? *curious*
You can still have a free account, but it will have ads. My account is "basic", the kind you can't make anymore, it's both free and without ads.
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Date: 2008-03-17 05:56 am (UTC)This line makes impression. I couldn't even think of another title to add. :)
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Date: 2008-03-17 11:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-17 01:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 06:04 pm (UTC)