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Summery Executions 13.


 

Everyone has skeletons in their closets, but in Harry's case, these skeletons can turn out to be sword-wielding undeads. Which was why Snape tried so hard to keep them under rugs. And what does the Mirror of Erised have to do with all these?

"In my world there are people in chains and we can ride them like ponies." When Draco makes a wish to a vengeance demon, the world is transformed beyond recognition. Will Draco like his new creation in which Ginny enjoys torturing innocents, Ron uses Unforgivables, and Harry Potter could care less about anything?

The "like ponies" part is wholly responsible for the summary's inclusion. ;-)

 

It's two in the morning, and Ginny's alone in the Grimmauld Place kitchen: "Looking at the whitewashed wall opposite her, Ginny sighed, sensing the ghosts of the place--real ghosts, imagined ghosts, metaphoric ghosts--swirling around the damp, heavy pile above her head."

 

People know things about war. Of course they do. Statistics come in every day. Thousands fight, hundreds die. Who was the thirty-sixth to die? Who was the hundredth? No one knows. But people know things about war. Don't they?

Sometimes you read a summary and it feels like a poem. In a good way. 

Read more... )
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Summery Executions 12.

 

 

 

Snape and Remus show up in #4 Privet drive and take Harry away. When asked why they say "if you are to come here again it is over my dead body." What has happened to make rem and sev say that?

 

Harry Potter discovers why polka dots are evil. Snape discovers why it's a bad idea to forge your medical records. Lucius Malfoy discovers why you shouldn't give suprise presents to your boss.

 

Inspector McGill of K Division doesn't believe in magic. But then, he meets lovely Bellatrix.

 

Read more... )Read more... )

 


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 (with a small rant about "Someone's Gotta Go" inside)

 

 

But first THE fic recommendation! One of the few fics I started and couldn't put aside until reaching the end: 

"The Golden Age" by Arsinoe de Blassenville:
"Post DH. In the wake of victory, Harry struggles with life, love, and the reform of the British wizarding world. He learns that life is complex, and that happy endings are fleeting."

A very beautiful book version can be downloaded (or read online) from Red Hen Publications (the last of the fics there).

Summery Executions 11.

 
Vernon Dursley Kills Harry, But Harry Doesn't Die. Instead He Wakes To Find Dumbledore And Snape Hovering Over Him, And He Is Pissed. The Story Of His Quest To Rid The World Of Dumbledore.


It was probably a bad idea to get pregnant by Draco Malfoy. But what's done is done, and she is sure they can both be adults about it. Not like this is some melodramatic romance novel, or anything. M/F, Preg

 

Harry has that power the Dark Lord...well actually he does know.   

My favorite.

 

Read more... )
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Summery Executions 10:


Note:
My criterion for choosing summaries is their being funny, not the fic's badness. I read only a very small part of those fics, but if I read a fic and like it, I will give a link. I will never link to a fic I didn’t like, since that would be a sort of flaming.

 

What happens when Ron and Hermione's rowing becomes too much for Harry to take? How do we know that Sirius went to heaven? What would happen, if Hermione hadn’t met the boys on the train in PS? What does a real hero dream of? Read to find out.

 

But first I want to recommend you a good, not long fic. Despite not being usually interested in Snape/Lily, I loved it (and its’ banner) and the fic could still be canon since it doesn’t contradict it in any way.

 

White For Silence by thegirllikeme

Summary:
A puzzle box. A perfect, Fall day. And a friendship they thought would never end. Severus can remember it all so clearly, even years later, even after she was gone. But most importantly he remembers the colors: yellow, red, and white. Yellow for friendship. Red for love. And white...
White for silence.
SECOND PLACE WINNER OF THE NOVEMBER ONESHOT CHALLENGE.

 

Professors Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall take a vacation to Hawaii at the expense of an unwitting Ministry of Magic. Immaturity, drunkenness, and chaos ensues.

 

An After Class FQF OOTP Fic--Potions, Curses, and Rituals. Naked Rituals.

So HP does encourage kids to practice Wicca, after all. (See: Clothing)

 

Harry Potter: Bruised veteran of too many heartbreaks; cynical, jaded drunkard; Wardwright, war hero, recluse, and part time matchmaker. Next target -- Severus Snape, who has a lot to learn about love.

 

Sirius wasn't the only one who laughed as he was being taken away to Azkaban.
Bellatrix Lestrange laughed too.
And her laughter was louder.

 

What happens when Ron and Hermione's rowing becomes too much for Harry to take?

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Poetry:

More than a year ago I found 2 wonderful Harry Potter poems about
Harry and Draco by an unknown author. After googling I found they (and many others) were written by Judy Nathanson, a retired theater arts teacher, who has written poetry all her life. On her site you can find both HP and not HP poems.

 

My favorites among HP poems are still the first 2 poems, which I found long ago. As for not HP poetry, I haven’t decided yet. A few examples are:

If We Took The Time

Where Are The Children? (about her former students)

Secret Dreams of The Heart

Guardian Angel


Summery Executions 9:

 

What can evil stem from, if not from cruelty? How does Molly decide to congratulate her son for being promoted to a high rank in the Auror business? What are the dangers of a wild snowball fight down on the grounds of Hogwarts and why is Narcissa furious at Bellatrix? Read to find out.

 

Note: My criterion for choosing summaries is their being funny, not the fic's badness. If I am highly amused by a summary, I think probably other people will enjoy reading it too for one reason or another. Since a summary is supposed to make people want to read a fic, its' being funny is a plus (if it’s intentionally funny, of course). Sometimes there can be summaries of wonderful fics. I read only a very small part of those fics, but if I read a fic and like it, I will give a link (this post has 3). I will never link to a fic I didn’t like, since that would be a sort of flaming.

 

* Now that the Wizarding world is safe, Fudge needs a job. So when he's offered the opportunity to host the new Wizarding reality show, 'England's Got Evil', he realizes that it is a chance he can't miss. But will he be able to keep it together during the final episode where Bellatrix Lestrange, Amycus Carrow, and Fenrir Greyback compete to add a hot tub to their Azkaban cell? And who in the name of reality shows everywhere are the Stage Handz?

And I thought some RL reality shows were unethical…

 

* Draco is depressed. He shuts out everybody who cares for him. He's getting weaker and weaker. When he's strolling around the castle, he faints... (H/D Friendship)

HBP in AU?

* Evil doesn't always start out as cruelty. Sometimes it's simpler than that. Sometimes it begins with something as simple as

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* Searching for new material for my "executions", I found a very well written humorous fic:

 

Why Slytherins Are Sexier by Textualsphinx  

A discourse on sexual differences between the houses - as propounded by one Severus Snape. Will not amuse Dunderheads, naturally.

 

* Very beautiful HP poems by Helen Vader  are here. I mainly liked the poem; called "You". It reminds me of some other poem or song I have read. Does anybody know which one?

 

YOU 
 

Another poem about my favourite Dark Lord. Rated PG.

 

In the chasm of despair
Where hearts grow hard and cold as stone
You must've forgotten what was light -
Or may have never known.

You've forgotten what is wrong,
You've forgotten what is right,
You cannot tell the difference
Between the day and night.

What you don't know you cannot miss,
What you had lost you cannot find:
A ray of light, a mother's kiss,
Your mortal soul, your heart or mind.

 

Summery Executions 8:

 

Ever wondered why Florean Fortescue was taken by the Death Eaters? Heard of the mysterious Voldy's Deathpants, "in bold letters like that"? What's a Dark Lord to do when things don't go your way and what even the most malevolent maniac can't stand? Read to find out!

 

* When Sirius Black dumps a girl, she cries and begs him to come back. When he humiliates her in front of the whole school, she does not seek revenge. Never. Too bad that no one ever said that to Angela Peters.

 

* A hilarious ride inside an author's head as he tries to write the best fic ever written by a fan. Unfortunately, things don't go as planned and the author must get himself out of a sticky situation before he ruins the joy of writing Fan Fiction forever.
WARNING: Random and Bizarre humor ahead.

* Ever wondered why Florean Fortescue was taken by the Death Eaters?

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 The current UK election campaign reminded me of this wonderfully funny fic, inspired by… UK election   

 

Swinging the Vote by Wormykins (Chapters: 1)

Rating: PG - Spoilers: PoA - 882 hits - 1084 words
Genre: Wizarding Society, General - Main character(s): NarM, RL, SB - Ships: None - Era: 1970-1981 (Including Marauders at Hogwarts)
It's election time again, and Remus Lupin has a reputation for being a tough voter to win over. Why is this, and will anyone ever succeed? Inspired by UK election canvassing, of all things.

 

Summery Executions 7 : Do you know what is wrong with the saying that Narcissa persuaded Lucius not to send Draco to Durmstrang? What is the real moral of Tom Riddle's back-story and how will Dobby save Harry from V's clutches? And, most importantly, why Harry & Ginny had to be together?  Our writers will tell you everything!

 

"It seems to be common knowledge that I persuaded Lucius not to send Draco to Durmstrang. Actually, that's not quite true - Draco was always going to attend Hogwarts. All I did was to remind Lucius of that." Let Narcissa tell you how.

 

They were outnumbered, they were outclassed, and they were led by Harry Potter.

The third sentence is merely a coincidence, of course. (This quote is my favorite with the first one.)

 

"You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives," goes the saying. How unfortunately true. An OotP-compliant look at the Black family, affectionately nicknamed as "why canon extrapolation is so much fun."

 

Harry sees a chance to be a hero, but Lord Voldemort sees the chance to regain everything he lost during the war.

Guess who dies in the end of the fic… 

 

 

 

One of my favorite plants in bloom: 




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I found this LJ Markov Random Text Generator in la_cruz lj (in Russian). It provided me with a couple of hours of entertainment and with sentences, which fully deserve a place of honour amoung Summery Executions.

 

So, what is Msscribe's RL identity? How will Harry make his blog popular and why has it been forsaken before? Why everybody wants to see Slytherin beaten? What can Snape’s death teach us and how should Harry have solved the problem of ingredients in CoS, f.e.? All this and much more in my own Summery Executions. Hope you will enjoy them!

 

he hoped this generous present would help to pave his way into the teacher’s private stores
And Harry with his inherited fortune had never even concidered  this solution in canon – much simpler than throwing firecrakes to steal the ingredients, isn’t it?

 

With Snape there are numerous ways to kill somebody

It's universally acknowledged that our Potions master is a man of many talents.
 

 Heh. As if I had trouble choosing between London and the need to give him a sandwich!

Thought Kreacher and went traveling.

 

How exactly is Wormtail supposed to treat his fallen enemies (if they stay alive, like the idea of the Rings (D/G, G) Summary : Draco Malfoy, magically transformed into an evil rat.

I have always suspected Wormtail to have lots of self-loathing, but not that much.  

 

And now a short funny story, entirely made up of random quotes: 

 

Ron matters to Harry “It’ll be a dark wizard, and the Forty Thieves . Seriously, where else have you been involved with over the web.

 

when I quickly googled the name, I didn't find anything interesting. 

- Said Harry.

Imo, it’s Impossible. Even googling "cabbage" gives you cute toys  and parody college newspapers, besides how to raise the vegetable and diet recipes.

 

People also tend to prefer communicating with people with more friends than me, may be pretty hard to take.

 

At http://www.schnoogle.com/ in the process of murdering me.

 

In the whole fandom only I seem to be this way.

How have I got so depressing sentences?

 

With Snape there are 891 signatures and icons say everything themselves

Only 891?! I think Harry is fooling himself by factor of 100, at least.

 

I am not very sociable person in RL nor on Internet. Pure waste of nerves and time.

If all posts on Harry's blog are private, it kind of explains the lack of friends. His solution? Surprisingly good:

 

I will post from time to time links to the Dark Lord, cognac, Bella The Fanatic, and what is Malfoy doing

Everybody will friend the blog – if not for V or even Draco, cognac will surely do the trick.

THE END. 

 

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I have just finished 4 Pratchett's books and so far like most "Wyrd Sisters", the first book I have read. I really liked the plot with originally twisted references to numerous fairy-tales, the 3 mutually completing witches' personalities and his sense of humor, which is closer to mine than Rowling's. I laughed a lot reading this book and while JKR's books are supposedly filled with jokes, I don't remember laughing at any of them (may be 1 or 2, which escape my memory now). Btw, this isn't criticizing Rowling – different people find different things funny and each writer has his/her unique style, of course. I decided to write about the book since during its reading 3 (in fact more, but those are the most memorable) passages leapt from the page at me, reminding of JKR's books and their problems.   

 

1- Granny's sister Lily, an evil witch, turned 2 snakes into women to punish "criminals" in the city she rules. Coming into the city Granny saw the women and

" was prepared to believe that there was something very unpleasant in that house. Not evil. The two not-exactly-women weren't evil, in the same way that a dagger or a sheer cliff isn't evil. Being evil means being able to make choices. But the hand wielding a dagger or pushing a body over a cliff could be evil, and something like that was going on."

 

2 – "Lily raised a hand… Silver fire leapt across the room.

Baron Saturday thrust out his cane. The magic struck, and coursed down him to earth, leaving little silver trails that crackled for a while and then winked out.

Lily backed away. She raised her hand again and sent another fireball towards the Baron. It hit his hat and burst off it like a firework.

'Stupid, stupid!' muttered Granny. 'She's seen it doesn't work and she's still trying it!'

'I thought you weren't on her side', said Magrat.

'I ain't! but I don't like too see people being stupid. That kind of stuff's no use, Magrat Garlick, even you can… oh, no, surely not again…' "

 

3- (seeing what they think is unconscious Lily and really is Granny):

" 'Let's throw her off the tower,' said Magrat.

'All right,' said Nanny. 'Do it, then.'

Magrat hesitated. 'Well,' she said, 'when I said let's throw her off the tower, I didn't mean me personally throwing her off, I meant that if there was any justice she ought to be thrown off-'

'Then I shouldn't say any more on that score, if I was you,' said Nanny "

 

I don't really know what exactly I liked in the last passage, but it stroke a chord with me. Not talking about the abstract idea of Justice; taking personal responsibility for one's actions and not trying to leave one's soul pure, while other people throw somebody off the tower for you; morality and mercy, etc. All those words don't seem to be enough... 

                                     Summery Executions: 5.


"I am unsure yet where to search Horcruxes, but think I'll start from green forests of England", answered Harry, whose emerald-green eyes were very confident, as he in himself.

In canon!

Ginny wanted to give a serpentine smile, but accidentally made a gruesome face, ala "I ate Scabbers , and it turned inside me into Pettigrew".

La_cruz: I have recently seen on Discovery channel a similar plot. Anaconda ate a crocodile, and it tore it from inside. And got out. 

The red-head was sitting and thinking about HOW ON GINNY appeared the cloak of who-has- already- got-on-everybody's-nerves (don't confuse with Harry) 
The writer talks about Tom Riddle.

 

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Who is Harry Potter?

 

Today I decided to write my first master-class, which is an attempt to analyze a certain character/phenomenon from different angles based on the fan fiction's excerpts (this is a special edition of summery executions).

Today under the microscope is The Unquestionable Hero of the series, TBHL or Harry Potter. Why do we love (or not) him so? And above all- what is so special about him? I hope my humble attempt at answering those global questions will shed some light on this Chosen Character.

 

   Harry Potter is not only a teenage boy, but also:

 

 

 
 
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I have been lurking at ru_proda [like McTabby's Summery Executions only in Russian] for a long time & wanted to share with you my favorite comments to enable you enjoy them too. Specially, since they were originally in Russian, so you certainly have never read any of them. Please, write whether somebody is interested in the continuation & feel free to comment.

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